Long-distance relationships are challenging under the best and simplest of circumstances. Long-distance D/s relationships are even more so because the inability to be in each other’s presence makes most forms of physical dominance and submission nearly impossible. Sure, you can use messages, telephones and web cams in an effort to connect, but for the most part one must rely almost solely on the heart and mind to exert will, elicit response and submission, and generally cement the D/s bond between you. One way to do this is through ritual.
My Muse and I have several very basic rituals that we use to remain close, keep each other at the top of our hearts and minds, and generally maintain a mild but ever-present atmosphere of Dominance and submission. First of all, we always make our communication to one another just about the first and last part of our day. With time zones between us, direct communication is not always possible under those circumstances so messages and email are heavily relied upon. Regardless, our words to one another are generally our very first and last thoughts upon waking and going to sleep respectively.
When communicating, we do not refer to each other solely by our chosen titles of Sir and Muse. At times we use our given names, particularly when communicating on real life matters, or subjects of particular emotional emphasis when it is appropriate to step out of character and just ensure that we are close as people. Sometimes we drift back and forth between the two. But in our morning and evening communications (and many in between) we use the titles, “my Sir” and “my Muse,” continually reinforcing the nature of our relationship.
We have also established other rituals, one of which includes what I loosely refer to as a “daily devotion.” Here, my Muse takes several images of herself over the course of her day and shares them with me by emailing them before bed. The goal is that they should be in a partial or complete state of undress but lets face it, life does not always permit such things so there are days where the images are simply documenting something about her day; what she was doing, who she was with. But the goal is to strive for an intimate image. But intimacy does not always imply or require nudity. There are other intimate moments that occur during the course of days; emotional moments having nothing to do with sexuality. The visit with a friends’ baby, the brother’s victory at the football game, time spent with a close friend. These are memorable and emotional moments in the life of my Muse every bit as important to me as our D/s bond and sexuality. So they should be and must be shared.
Once in a great while she misses her “daily devotion” and I am quick to correct this. When I do not receive them I feel empty and as though something very important is missing. I also feel as though a rule has been broken, an expectation left unfulfilled. Usually a simple reminder from me is sufficient to make the correction and more often than not there were extenuating circumstances that make it reasonable to forgive the transgression. Most importantly, my Muse holds a deeply rooted desire to please me and there is no need to punish because she punishes herself mentally more than I likely ever could for any failing on her part to please. I have only had to actually punish my Muse on a handful of occasions for and generally for things entirely unrelated to our daily rituals. This is never a pleasant experience for either of us. In many respects we both want to avoid the need for that sort of thing and therefor work to ensure that expectations are clearly communicated and that the measures for her success are well understood. She is in control of the outcome from there and rarely fails.
The “daily devotion” has become an important and integral part of our ability to share with one another from a distance but also to maintain a sense of order and duty in our D/s interaction. There are others to be sure, but I tend to focus on a few that I find most important rather than loading my Muse up with all sorts of minutiae such as rules, rituals, and requirements. She is a busy person and so am I. We do not need to turn our relationship into a chore. But when it comes to her “daily devotion” I do indeed require consistency and compliance. It is good not only for our Dominance and submission, our sexuality and intimacy, but also as simply a means for us to feel closer to one another and more sharing of our days. And, she enjoys taking the photos and pleasing me every bit as much as I enjoy receiving them and the little life stories that accompany them.
I recommend to anyone engaged in a D/s relationship that you give this a try (provided of course that you have the trust in one another not to ever have the pictures shared beyond the two of you). A “daily devotion” is a wonderful way to share in each other and establish a pattern of submission while having some fun in the process.
Enjoy the journey!
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2012
Image © Cassie Mayers